Until the Cows Come Home!

What could be more appropriate than quoting our earthy politician Lalu Yadav on cows: “I love cows, it's people who annoy me!”

Well said Lalu Ji! Ironically, it is the fodder scam that led to his incarceration two years ago.

Considering he was ahead of the curve in tending to the cows on the lawns of his ministerial bungalow on Janpath, the Animal Welfare Board should give him a certificate of appreciation.And the courts should cut him some slack and reduce his jail term.

Many at the highest level in ‘Aryavrata’ have extolled the benefits of cow urine. Amazon, ever ready to deliver even a cow, has different brands of gomutra on sale.

Excessive oxytocin must've flowed through the veins of the functionaries at the Animal Welfare Board of India a few days ago , for sure! The official circular to celebrate February 14 as Cow Hug Day was to infuse 'emotional richness', 'positive energy' and 'collective happiness' in everyone, especially misguided people under the spell of St. Valentine.

No 'beef' with increasing our happiness index but there could be better ways than this.

Hugging cows would be in keeping with our Vedic traditions and erase the corrosive Western mores, we were told. Sadhavi explained that our mythology portrays 33 Crore Gods and Goddesses living in Kamadhenu, the wish fulfilling Mother cow.

Our most playful cowherd God, Krishna ,aka Gopal, could not only mesmerise the gopis but round up the herd by playing the flute! We have no 'bull' with that, even Panna Lal Ghosh, the flautist, would approve of such skills.

Or was this memo issued as an emotional helpline extended to five million stray Gaumatas clogging the roads in many of our cities? Since the bovines sit on the roads with admirable insouciance to everything around them, no chance that they were 'moo-ved' by this memo.

But social media was, and how! A tsunami of hilarious sketches and puns has been washing over the Internet before the D-day/V-day. Not cowed down by paternalistic advice, the netizen-protest through a meme backlash has proved effective.

The sheepish/oxen-ian ( apologies to the Oxonians!) Board cow-ered down to withdraw the order forthwith. One knew that cows sometimes get foot and mouth disease but here the Board is displaying symptoms of a mutant foot in mouth disease.

The creative brigade is going to have withdrawal symptoms because it was quite kicked about meme generation. Having seen videos of some eager beavers toting up brownie points by hugging the cows 'without consent', it is just as well. Better being kicked metaphorically, 'Gaias' couldn't resist plagiarising this one!